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Main Menu. Not everything you want will be handed to you. Sometimes, you have to go out and get it. And if you want major success -- you will have to be assertive. Being assertive means you know how to communicate what you want in a clear and respectful manner.
It means you are not afraid of speaking your mind, and you highly value expressing yourself in authentic and powerful ways. In this article, Charlotte Scott explains why we need assertiveness, what it actually is, and how to be assertive.
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Assertiveness is a communication skill, and displaying assertiveness is essential to working with others. Being assertive enables you to put forward your ideas, thoughts and opinions by expressing yourself effectively. You have probably encountered assertive people who are able to navigate difficult situations calmly and professionally, deflecting others anger and frustration with diplomacy and confidence.
This level of assertiveness helps to achieve results, solve problems and build good relationships with others. They think it is only about putting their opinions forward and speaking up. Assertiveness is actually an interplay between how we communicate and how we treat the other person in the conversation. People sometimes believe that speaking up is the same as being bossy, pushy, or disrespectful of other people. We can display aggression by talking over people, exaggerating and overstating our point, or using words to belittle the other person or their idea in a way that can be easily dismissed.
Aggressive behaviour is selfish, rude and controlling, it shuts down the conversation. Whilst you might win the conversation you have not actually won-over the other person and will have damaged the relationship. Being unable to share your opinion can also lead to stress, frustration or at worst burnout. People often think they are being passive, when actually they are being passive-aggressive.
Being passive-aggressive means that you are not respecting yourself by being honest about your point of view, but you are also showing subtly that the other person is in the wrong. Passive-aggressive behaviour makes both you and the other person feel bad. We can display this when we feel wronged, but not able to solve the situation.
When we act passive-aggressively we might use words to agree with the other person, but show our unhappiness through our tone of voice, facial expression or negative body language. We might display grumpy, sulky or moody behaviour.
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These indirect expressions of hostility make those around us feel very uncomfortable. Over time we will be seen as unreasonable and unprofessional. Being assertive means that you respect yourself enough to put forward your thoughts and suggestions, whilst also respecting the other person and their point of view.
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You are communicating directly and honestly as well as being kind and likeable. It allows us to cooperate, to understand both points of view and ideally to resolve conflict by finding an outcome that suits us both. Learning to be assertive takes time, self-control and confidence.
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Follow these five steps to develop your assertiveness skills:. And you will build a reputation for being confident, professional and great to work with.